March 31, 2025 late pm

 

To be honest i did not do very much today I went to get some groceries which was a painful experience and soon I saw some some cute labordoddles , those are dogs.  That were very cute.  And than I came home to a really cute pill.  In particular was the fact that the ice storm toppled my cairns and I have to redo then soon! As I have an image to project!   To be honest my cairn cannot last a fucking winter! And I am most certainly not going to start stacking them again!    But this I will say I did get my Amazon card for the month!  That being said I will only be the month and then I am back to saving.  The day was deadly uneventful to say the least!

March 31, 2025 pm

 The end of the novel!

Enjoy

As I saw the. Week improve quickly I soon found my self feeling better, but not my back.  That sucker was going to be the death of me yet!  As I soon realized that I could not stretch it and I had to go to physio this was annoying.  That being said I soon realized that my 24th birthday was coming up.  This was already  a light in the tunnel.   And soon I started doing the exorcises and actually noticed that I felt better.  Though this I will say the poetry course was coming to an end. That being said I was able to pull out nice and emotional poems. That being said I still had to work on my musicality!  That rhythm was something i could not understand!  That being said I am who I am, slightly neurodivergent.  I was able to write the best horror novel but met me show you a poem:

I remember the author during

A boom reading mentioning

Not to edit yourself for other people

That is why I am one hundred percent

Me

With my tattoos and piercings

With my unique heritage

And my even more unique brain I see that I am

Unedited

By nature....

Don't edit yourself for other self

For other people!

Just be you!

If they don't like it

That's on them

But  I will keep going the fact that Billy and eye are going camping for my birthday was a novel idea.   But I was skeptical, out find Sasquatch again!  As we headed off to Carleton Place to came it was not the usual spot for the Sasquatch to be!  But anything was possible in my opinion!  That being said I soon went and I found that Billy, my fiancé was able to sneak a gift in to my pack! This was strange to say the least and soon I was able to open it.  But though we were actually able to stargaze  for the most part I was able to actually see the Milky Way!  It's was like I was on the ship and soon i was brought back back to the cruise and our first kiss!  That being said I wanted to that being said reenact the kiss in question!

Soon I was able to see stars  in my eyes not just  in the  sky. At this time I was having butterflies in my stomach! This being said I don't remember ever having this with Lilly!  

Needless to say that this was when I heard some sort of screaming.  This was sounding like a howler monkey, they aren't any in Canada! That being said it was Sasquatch who was close by!  That was when we scramble from the camp fire and stargazing.  This I did not need my camper as I was able to remember what Sasquatch looked like.  That was when I went to check!  Night had only fallen so the was some brightness to the sky.  That was when we went in further into the forest and soon I was able  see the monster at hand! Ans smell it had the same time!  This was the first time I was able to see it make a shelter and it looked at me!  I use the pronouns it because it could not tell if it was a male or female ! The fact of the whole thing it did not matter!   

"Do you see that!" I said in a whisper! And soon I looked at Billy and found that the was exactly wha try brother  had lived for though I was able to stumble upon the creature!

Cryptids are animals or other beings that cryptozoologists believe may exist somewhere in the wild, but whose present existence is disputed or unsubstantiated by science!

I soon found my face to face with a family of Sasquatch and I soon I wanted to take a video of this but I did so in my mind that I did not have to worry about publicity !  I still wanted to catch it!  That was when I soon found that Billy was able to take the video!  

"I will sent it to you!" He reassured me!  "Would you like that!"

"You know I would like that!"

I was obvious that I was turning into a smarter well rounded version of my brother.  That being said I am more respectful for other people to be his sister any more!  Soon I was just looking at the family of Sasquatch and soon saw the little!  The looked like litter puffs that you find at the end of your key chain, but not a funky colour but as brown and dark brown!  That was when I decided it actually seemed this up close and personal!  

"Follow me!" I said.  "I am in to see the littles!"

  That was when I went in quietly and tried not to disturb anything for that matter I soon found my self going to toe to toe with one of the little puffs! That was when my heart melt! 

This was the better of my birthdays! July 17, 2013! It was  better birthday than it would be if I was still with Lilly! That being said I found the birthday to be more than decent to be honest.  As I found  this to be the best birthday present to see the family of Sasquatch!  They were more evolved than my actual family!

But this I will say is that this is were I am going to end the story about how I found the family of Sasquatch with a memory of my other much older brother! Ted!

When I was eight years old I remember that I was getting a visit from my brother Bryan (someone who I don't like anymore for specific reasons) and his childrenwhom I loved to death)!  The children's name was Nathan and Sarah!   They knew how to have good clean fun. Which was what I liked as a kid!   That being said the Canadians thanksgiving of 1998 was a good one as they came to sleep over with my family.  That was something that would make me interested in adventures and pranks.   That being said, I was trading trading cards with my nephew, Nathan and his sister Sarah (my niece) when my mom told me of some cool Halloween decorations on the other side of the forest behind my house! That was when the night was falling so we had to go pronto.    That was fun to explore the forest and see the actual Halloween decorations that were on the other side of the bush.   To be completely honest, we were looking at a plastic which that went splat on a tree!  Then as we were gocking at it the sun went down and night fell.  At that time you did not have to worry too too much about the goonies who would hurt woman and children as much as you do today!  That was when thing I loved about that time in the 1990s as you could be trusted to go out and nothing would happened......those days are long gone with the advent of the pervert!  But I did take advantage of of that peaceful time by playing hide and seek and looking  for ghosts with my niece and nephew (who were the same age as me)!  The late night hide and seek and trying to find ghosts was my favourite memory as a kid.   For one I remember the idea of going  ghost busting in the woods the other it was fun to be out at night under the stars.  But that was long ago but my imagination is still that fertile to go on these exact adventures in my head now and not so much in real night time!  As it was safe to venture into the forest and play there at night, it was also safe at that time, for no weirdos were around.   That was a big city problem.   Not so much these days as any random asshole could be a threats to children even in a small small town!  That being said I am sad that these people (the evil ones) are out there everywhere!  You have to be very careful and be out with your kids now!  Which would be a luxury for sure now!  But it ain't any more.   

That being said things are not as good as the 1990s as the new reboot show isn't even that good as the original reboot show that was in the 90s!   That being  said I remember a lot of good time s during the years 1998 and 1999!  That I would see a lot of my family that years especially my niece and nephew.   For one the came to stay for Christmas the year 1998 that was. Fun!  But it also was the last time I would ever see them.   That being said I would soon as I was 18 would get Facebook and be in touch with my niece and nephew that was not the same as the good old days were you can play at night and not have your parents get paranoid!  It wasn't until I was 13 when the idiots would start to be a problem and even walking to get the mail after dinner would be a dangerous idea ofr most kids, not excluding me!  This was sad that I also remember a video game arcade and I wanted to go  but not until the next day and I had to be accompanied by my parents..... I was 13 at the time, annoying!  But I had empathy for my parents and did not ask why but ask who would do such a thing to another human never mind a child!   What they said freaked me out about these criminals who should do time for crimes against humanity!   That is what the do to humanity.  

But I hold the memories as if they are platinum metal, pure platinum which would be more valuable then gold!   And yes that is what they are these memories that I have of being able to explore forests and fields at night and be able to come home safe and sound...., that is worth more than anything.  With these memories and how precious they are to someone in my day!  That win get me into and through school.   That was if this world rubbed on priceless childhood memories.  To be honest, and matter a fact I had seen the world as a kid.... Being able to travel instead of camping, but really I just wanted to camp and play with other people my age..... it is these simple things that mean more to me than anything if travelling or pricey crap!  That being said, they (my parents) tried their best but as I said looking for a plastic which that went splat .....that was more important to me that the fucking trips!  There is something to do say that less is more and more can be less in most cases!

That being said I never heard from my niece and nephew since then I was able to out this in my heart and actually look back on this when I get  hotheaded!  That being said this was the same brother that got me and my brother Bryan to be interested in Sasquatch!  Though I took a while for me to be interested in Sasquatch!  

Now back to reality!  As I looked at the Sasquatch actually being a family this was the  catalyst that would get to me to remember my niece and nephew!  That being said I found this to be the best the best Sasquatch scene I saw or ever will see. I watching the family of Sasquatch  it was hard to tear my self from them!  I soon had to got to bed....but just a bit longer.  But soon the chill in the air after a hot day was getting through to me!  Soon I must have to tear my sketch from the wholesome site to  bed !  That was when thing I did not like! That it had to end!

That was when  the family looked at me just for the second!  I know that it was life changing to see a Sasquatch!  But what about 4 of them!  What if they were harmless! It is still life changing to see them.  That being said I found this to be life changing but not in the negative sense!  This was actually heart warming ti see and heart wrench to leave!  That was  Billy told me that he sent the video to me!  But what was my question was the fact that you could randomly get cell service her but Thst was one thing that was soon going to baffle me! Wa sit because we were near a town and then just had it!

*ding*

I soon realized that it was the video! I down loaded it and soon would be uploading it on Facebook for my friends to see!  It was my brother who cared about  fame!  But not me to be honest.  I still wanted to be creative and be famous that way!  But soon I was able to really enjoy the spectacle that was nature! I soon found that it was more than a  spectacle....this was true beauty that only nature could bring.  That being said said after when I fell asleep I soon realized that I wanted a family of my own!  

This was actually brought on by the sight with the family of Sasquatch!  That being said I soon  realized that I wanted to be a mother for the first time in my life!

 Needless to say I did love children but could not bring my self to be interested in mother hood at the time! But know because of the family I saw I soon realized that I wanted one if my own!    That being said I did not actively seek this out like most woman that being said the sight  of the family of Sasquatch looking to make a shelter was interesting and heart warming!  I was still in aw about to that the next morning!  

As I looked at my birthday gift, the material one I soon realized that it was an interesting gift!  It was one of  Lynnette Kenner's  books   The other book that I wanted to read!

As I looked at it was also 1000 pages!  How many poems did this woman write!  Soon it was time ti head back to Ottawa!  It was when I looked at the video that I noticed this the family of Sasquatch were a gift in it on its own!  But who gave me that or I will never not.....fate!  Soon I was going  to the city and I was going to get another tattoo! For one it wasn't one that I would except! It was the silhouette of a Sasquatch that being said I did not  think I would get this tattoo, to be honest with you!

Epilogue:

I was always into Halloween and Christmas as well as urban myths think about Sirenhead and the creepypasta! When year for Christmas I  got a couple of presents from my parent s and my annoying brother, Bryan!  That was he got me a few  VHS tapes! That being said I was not into Sasquatch or big foot!  That was until now that  I realized that Sasquatch not different from us!   Now I know why there is a big deal with Sasquatch their are no different !

That being said I soon realized that I was done this novel,  I will be putting this on Amazon later!  Have a nice day I will tell you about my day soon!

March 31, 2025 late am

What is beauty

Is it that perfect skin

What is beauty

But that perfect body

What is beauty 

But happiness

But I give it the middle finger

The fact about beauty is that

It causes a walking skeleton of

Our daughter

The fact about beauty is that

Boys pump themselves 

With steroids 

The suffering that beauty brings 

I see 

Soon, I will have it the 

Middle finger

This was about a poem that I wrote for the poetry workshop that I am taking!  The was supposed to be one object and one abstraction poem that being said I think I did well with this. Though that was before I went to bed!  To be honest this is what I think about beauty in a physical way that people had suffered to much for it that I think it is uglier than sin! Well at least suffering was the most ugly!   To be said that girl starve themselves and guy pump steroids to be a decent look!  Thst being  said I find that was really abstract!  Though the idea of beauty was warped, this is what I think of it!  The fact that nature is actually true beauty and nothing more that was a good thing but out side of nature it is warped beyond belief!  That being said I would rather the nature instead of the warped idea of beauty.   

I needed up having a good nights sleep and soon went to actually relax!  Actually I was able to sleep in.  That being said I don’t believe it was the worst sleep I had!  That being said I had a hell of a time getting out of bed.  Though I was walking up slowly!  That is all I have to say about this!  But I hope that the weather improves  this week!  Although I did not lose power or internet I soon found that it was actually pretty to see! The stuff in cases in ice.  This will be something that will not get old.  And if it does I will hopeful think it wouldn't get old fast.     Needless to say that I will be having a good week!  Tomorrow is my Amazon gift card, which I cannot wait for the the author copies!  To be honest.  This I cannot wait as these are under my legal name!  This was important to say the least.  

March 30, 2025 memories

 The ice storm of 1998 was a pain in the ass for me! One was that when I first happened I was playing a video game on my mom’s computer.  That was when thing but then every “was when everything turned off!”  Needless to say to say that as a kid because of my PTSD I could not stand power outages! And I could not understand why the tv wasn’t working or that every thing was off!  Nor the fact that I was hearing chainsaws in the night.  That was because of downed trees and power lines.  This was an experience that I would never to again no matter the amount of PTSD will effect!  The one thing I could not stand was about the fact that everything was on the Fritz.   For one I thought of power outages as a horrible thing! And most of the time they are especially when you were in. The middle of the computer game!  This was something I could not understand or the fact that I was watching space jam for the hundredth time!  This was assigning as it was a  disruption to my life!  For one my temper flared more then the average kid as I was still traumatized.  That was when I  was younger so the memories of Romania were still there!  Although most idiots think that before three you cannot remember!  Well for one that is true if you had a serious brain injury or if you were not neurodivergent!  I on the other hand am neurodivergent.  The ability to retain useful and not so useful I tell that is my specialty!  So that being said this was annoying…. And I was a little shit!

This wasn’t the only time that bad behaviour and trauma went hand in hand as I was forced to be in daycare!  That being said, other children in room = death.  That was my logic as a youngster!  And soon I was not eating  worth a shit! And soon I was acting up because of it.  This wasn’t the only when my parents were wracking the brains think that I was a bully!  Boy they were living in a fantasy world even more so if they could dump me at the local daycare and be more fucked up,  their reasoning: social skills! This was a concept that had tortured me more than the people on fucking Romania!  That being said I was tormented and even threatened with Guantanamo Bay because of my poor social skills!  Yeah will try living the live I did and you act up too……as a -13 year old kid!  That being said I have grown up since and discovered that I was safe for the most part.  So I am not a big fan of the insanity plea!  That being said I think it is childish when people use mental health as an excuse to avoid there problems!  I always faced my problems head on as I kid be it balloons popping or other shit I do something I don’t like in life, and so should you!

That  being said I was not a nice person from toddler it 9 years old as something went wrong like an ice storm or what have you would ruin my week!  I still had to see that this one that we had today was still not as bad!  I literally I have to convince my self that it could not be as bad as the last time.  Although just as annoying.  

March 30, 2025 late pm

Chapter sixteen, she said 

I heard a knock on the door as I was walking up! There was only one other person that I knew on this ship, Billy Bob.  That was when I soon realized that he wanted ti have breakfast on the back deck.  I had nothing better to do so I wanted and hung out  with him at the pool,  the same place where kissed last  night!  That was when I decided to look  similarity with him other then the fact that we were writers and astronomers! That being said there was a good chance that I was going to be with him tonight!  But I did not.......again think about Lilly!  She was talking to one of the security officers on the ship! She soon was having around one that was interesting looking!  But I did not think to much about this!  That was when I realized Thst me and Lilly were ultimately attracted to man! I did not mean for this to happen but it did!

Soon I  was I was starting ti think about Billy Bob! And  the fact that he wanted me to be in the pool! I was not much of a swimmer and I certainly saw that the seas were a little rough to be honest with you. I soon went in regardless of the amount of waves. Soon I was eating more water than anything but hell I had fun!  There was one point where I nearly ended up bumping my head but this was still fun! As I relaxed with Billy I was soon holding his hand!a cross from the pool was Lilly who was miserable as an old goat with a cold.   That being said as I order a sprite I found something on my finger.  It was a ring!

As I looked at it I soon found that he was asking me to marry him! This was unusual but....

"Would you marry me," he said.  

"I do!"

"Great, " he said.  Soon he kissed my hand and started to work his way up my arm. Wow, this felt so good.  That was when the lunch time band started to play a Bob Marley  set! This was good as I loved reggae and soon went to get different pieces of pizza  for bill and I!

 As I approached the lawn chair I saw that he was holding a book! It was his advanced cope of wisdom of gore! It was not supposed to be out for along time. That was when I decided it accept it! I know that I would find more of his books here but not from the source. That was when I ate and read at the same time!  This was a gory litttle treat that was more so about a serial killer with Alice in wonderland syndrome!

Alice in Wonderland syndrome (AIWS) is a rare condition that disrupts your brain's ability to process sensory input. The disruption affects how you perceive the size of things you see around you, the feel or look of your own body, or both. It can also distort your sense of reality.

The fact  that it affected an adult in this book was rare! As it usually affects children ! But that's all I now about this condition.  It was one of the rarer mental health problems! Second to DID!

This was the causes of it:

Migraines. One of the most common ways that AIWS happens is with a migraine aura. It can also happen with other types of headaches, such as cluster headaches and abdominal migraines.

Infections. Bacterial and viral infections are among the most common causes of AIWS. Some of the more likely infections to cause it include Epstein-Barr virus (EBV), type A or H1N1 influenza, varicella (the virus that causes chickenpox and shingles), typhoid fever, Lyme disease and scarlet fever. These are the most common cause of AIWS in children.

Seizures. People who have seizure-related conditions (especially epilepsy) can experience AIWS.

Certain types of strokes. Sudden loss of blood flow can disrupt areas of the brain that control self-perception and visual perception.

Mental health conditions. These include schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, depressive disorders, etc.

Medications. AIWS can be a side effect of many drugs. These include drugs found in common cough medicines like dextromethorphan or dihydrocodeine, asthma medications like montelukast, and anti-seizure medications like topiramate.

Recreational drugs and inhalants. These include hallucinogens like LSD and inhalants like toluene.

Brain tumors (including cancers).

Degenerative brain diseases. There are reports of AIWS happening with conditions like Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. However, this is extremely rare.

The fact that of the matter was that it was a good book!  Soon I pulled out my laptop and soon found my self writing about the book in my blog! But also I was writing a novel about Sirenhead against the Greek gods, remember that? Well I soon showed Billy the manuscript. It was still on the computer and was yet to be published!

Li will publish it for you!" He said. 

"How is that possible,"

"I can talk to my agent right now!"

Soon I was starting to get hyper over this!  The fact that something I wrote  was going to be published, this was strange,  the was the case.  Soon he asked as he got his cell out and asked about diamond head.  That was when I decided to accept his invitation to see diamond head. This was extraordinary to say the least I never felt this way about someone never had. I felt so alive in my life. This was unusual for me to say the least!

And the fact that this was a man that was making me feel this way, was even more unusual to say the least. I never thought about this before. Thought I was just in a fixed mindset where I was just gonna be girl for me! But soon I was actually having a good time with Billy!  Soon I was going to find that he was right in asking me to marry him.  I think I would be a good wife!  But this was my thought on the matter.  

When I decided to check up on Lilly, for the first time in the cruise I told her that I was going it he staying with Billy ofr the remainder of the trip!  That being said she threw my stuff on out a said to get it later,  that was when I decided to actually take her up on the deal! I soon got my stuff and went to Billy's room to unpack  that was as simple as that.   As I realized that she was sleeping with a one of the security officers while I was with Billy! That being said I did not not think to ask her about life! But she did not do the same for me!

I just hoped that the other guy would find out soon that she was a serial cheater,  but I did not want to go down that road.  I just hoped for the best and that was it.  That being said I walked out of her line of hearing and soon I was back with my circle of friends.   

 That being said I soon realized how unhappy Lilly was! Could she be too active was one thing but addicted I did not know, so I would find out at the end of the cruise!  That was when I notice the same guy was going dark as I was going to ball hockey so many years ago that it was going dark! It was the solar eclipse! This was when everything went dark and soon I was getting chilly.  Just like so many years ago! Though this time I was able to enjoy the solar eclipse with out a nagging mother or a ball hockey tournament.  It was said that the solar eclipse was supposed to be like an attitude change or an attitude adjustment for some people who are more spiritually gifted. I felt something snapped inside me something that snapped right for the first time in my life. As I found that I was able to relax for the first time in three years this was the first time I was able to actually enjoy myself. I actually saw the the total solar eclipse without any problems except I had to use Billy's glasses and I had to give them back to him. That was about the only annoying that I can think of.

But as far as Lily, she was not very interested I don't know why I was so concerned about her to begin with. It was because I spent and wasted three years, 3.5 years on her that being said 3 1/2 years was enough for me to be annoyed that I wasted my life on someone who was cheating on me 

Soon I was able to go and just go to the library and let my hair down. That was when I found more of his books in the grab bag! That was when I decided to take all of them and started reading after the wisdom of gore!  

This was a good book. I remember reading a couple of them before when I was in high school.   That was when I returned to the pool deck and started or pick his brain!  

As we had a discussion about his books, I found it more entertaining and more informative as soon as I would be able to read his books again and I actually appreciate them not just think they were entertainment!  

But the one question was what got him into horror!

"Well what got you the right horror in the first place?" I asked!

Soon I was able to get an answer! He read Stephen king's the stand as a kid! Soemthing that was one of my favourite books! With the original cover art!

Soon we we discussed about Stephen, King and Howard influenced us in the Creepypasta world. This was very interesting for me as I could not help but talk and commiserate at the same time. This was very interesting for me as I never really found myself really connecting with the opposite of sex.

This was unusual for me, but as I said, when I was on the plane, I said that I didn't care about the gender of the person just as long as they had a brain in their head that was all that mattered as Lily to me, did not have very much going on her in head! That was the only requirement for dating name.  Soon I was able to read the books that I did read after the wisdom of gore!  Soon I was appreciating the actual book as it was actually pretty good the second time around, especially when you were explaining the new answers in the story and stuff. This was very interesting soon the fact that we ended up hitting our first Island Oahu I think that's the big island I didn't know and then soon we ended up hitting Hilo and a couple of other places on the same day. this was very interesting for me. Then  soon will be diamond head! As I could not believe that I was  excited about diamond head. This was when I saw my first volcano! This was just past Hilo and soon I was able to get pictures of the rock formation!

That being said most of the ship disembarked on their tours and I soon found that it was just Billy and I!  That being said I kissed him and told him  that I was going to the library again! I was addicted to books!  As I perused the grab shelf for the grab bag, I found plague ship on there. It was a Clive cussler classic. I had to read this for one thing that being said I found myself interested in other interesting Clive Cussler novels! 

That being said after I read the Billy Bob books, I found myself reading plague ship!  This was on book I soon wanted to reread right away as soon as I reread this book soo started in the treasure of khan! Thst was able the only things I did on the cruise was read, eat and swim!  That was when I decided to actually have fun as tomorrow was going to be diamond head! As I soon realized this was I was excited!

My parents used to tell me about Diamondhead and how they were trying to see it, but ended up with a flooded hotel room. This being said this was just one of the many childhood memories I had I know my father every time I mentioned Diamondhead he would always end up swearing and saying the weather was horrible. "I'd rather have the 1998 ice storm then that," at least it was free for him! 

As soon I would head the name, diamond head, and I would soon start laughing at my father is frustrations as I always did laugh at his frustrations as I found his reaction is very comical!

Soon I would be grounded for laughing at him!

That was when I decided to not laugh anymore as my father was soon getting chemo and I did not want to bother annoying him, even though he was a hothead, his cancer was valid! And so was his suffering. He had about 6 months to live! 

This was still hard for me as I was not able to completely understand him or get along with him at matter! But he was still human!

It was when I decided it that I should, give him a call. 

That was when I decided to apologize for being difficult daughter in the beginning! And that I was also marrying someone!

"Oh, how is Lilly!"

"It's not Lilly," I said. "It's a guy!"

"Wow!"

"Yes!"  

Soon I was realizing that I was actually connecting with my father for the first time in years. This was actually very interesting as the last time we connected it was about Star Trek next generation. And I was four at the time so this was long over due!  As I soon realized that I was connecting that was when I also realized that I had to hear the lunch time band play!  That being said I loved Bob Marley!

 Soon I was  sitting back and watching the band play as I read plague ship!  That was it for the day! Me and my boo soaking up the sun and soon we were nearly getting burnt!  Thst was when we decided to go to the shade!  Thst being said I find the shade too cold for my liking but it was either that or get sunstroke!  

Truth be told I had sun stroke twice and both times I thought I was dying. Once was when I was 12 years old the other just a year ago when I was going on a trip with my parents, this was kind of traumatic for me as I can only eat ice cream for a week!  But at least I was able to eat this time! I did not mind the ice cream thing though!

That being said this is a slow day to be had as the freezing rain!  Soon I will be drawing stuff that was on my mind.  For simple face that i started drawing on Friday thinking every Would be shit!